When Trust Is Broken: My Experience with a Therapist's Smirk

Starting therapy can be a leap of faith. It requires courage to walk into a room, sit down, and share parts of yourself that you may not even say out loud to your closest friends. When I started seeing Lisa Hurst Barnhardt, I had high hopes. I was ready to open up and do the work needed to better understand myself and my experiences. What I didn’t expect was to leave a session feeling dismissed and disrespected.

I came prepared. I wanted her to understand who I was and where I had been before stepping into her office. To give her context, I wrote notes about my life from the previous ten years—a deeply personal account of my struggles, my growth, and the events that shaped me. I handed those notes to her, trusting that she would read them with the professionalism and empathy that I assumed all therapists embodied.

But when I returned for our next session, I was met with a smirk. It wasn’t a smile of understanding or encouragement. It wasn’t a moment of connection. It was a smirk—disgusting, condescending, and completely out of place for the setting. At first, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I told myself it was an “all-knowing” smile, maybe a moment of shared understanding that I was misinterpreting in my nervousness.

But it wasn’t. It was exactly what it looked like—a lack of compassion, professionalism, and respect.

That moment left me feeling small and invalidated. I had poured my heart into those notes, trusting her to handle them with care and sensitivity. Instead, I felt exposed and ridiculed. It wasn’t just a breach of trust—it was a signal that this space wasn’t safe for me.

This pattern continued throughout my sessions with her. When I brought up concerns about a guy I was dating, she dismissed them. Yet two months later, when I shared that I was developing feelings for him, she suddenly echoed the concerns she had previously dismissed. It felt inconsistent and unprofessional.

In another instance, I expressed ambivalence about a different guy. Instead of asking thoughtful questions to understand my feelings, she immediately assumed he was a nice guy. She then launched into an awkward discussion about how many men she had counseled who felt hurt because women wouldn’t call them first. She told me I should call him—even though I already had.

At that point, there was no way she could have known that the guy I was ambivalent about was like the many men who came into her office complaining. She didn’t even bother to ask questions or find out why I felt the way I did. She just assumed.

One of the most unsettling moments occurred when I told her about a guy who was trying to get me to come to his home to watch TV with him. I expressed that I didn’t want to go because I wanted to avoid the possibility of having sex. Her response was, "Didn’t you want to have sex with him?" The question was jarring and dismissive, completely ignoring the boundaries I was trying to set and the trust I had placed in her to help me navigate these situations thoughtfully.

Her assumptions felt careless. She didn’t take the time to understand my feelings, instead projecting generalizations onto my situation. It left me feeling misunderstood and unsupported.

Reflecting on that experience, I realize how important it is to advocate for ourselves in therapy. It’s okay to walk away when a therapist doesn’t meet our needs. It’s okay to trust our instincts if something doesn’t feel right. And it’s absolutely okay to demand compassion and professionalism from someone we’re entrusting with our vulnerabilities.

To anyone who has had a similar experience, know this: your feelings are valid. Therapy should be a place where you feel heard, supported, and respected. If it isn’t, don’t hesitate to move on and find someone who truly deserves your trust.

As for me, this experience hasn’t stopped me from seeking the support I need. It has, however, taught me an important lesson about self-advocacy and the importance of finding a therapist who truly listens without judgment. You deserve nothing less.