Therapy Ethics Reform

 When a therapist repeatedly steers you toward “understanding” or centering an abusive partner’s feelings—while you’re already sacrificing your own—several concerns come up. Here’s how to think it through and what you can do: 1. Why this stance can be risky Potential Issue What It Looks Like Why It Hurts You Safety & Power Imbalance Ignored The therapist talks about his childhood wounds  or stress at work but says little about the violence, threats, or coercion you face. Empathy becomes a tool that normalizes or excuses abuse, keeping you in danger. Re-enactment of the Abuse Dynamic You try to raise your own fears; the therapist redirects you to “see it from his side.” You relive the pattern of placing his needs first, reinforcing self-blame and eroding self-trust. Ethical Boundary Concerns The therapist seems more invested in “saving the relationship” than in your safety or autonomy. Professional codes require that client welfare—and in IPV cases, victim safety—come f...

   Externalizing your thoughts—whether by writing them down or speaking them out loud—can help impose structure on the jumble in your head. When you talk, you’re forced to put your ideas into words, sequence them, notice gaps, and test them against another person’s reactions. That feedback loop is hugely important. But if the person you’re talking to isn’t tuned in—if they’re distracted, dismissive, or simply can’t follow what you’re saying—that loop breaks: You don’t get useful feedback. You need someone who actively listens, reflects, and maybe asks clarifying questions. If instead they glaze over or respond irrelevantly, you end up talking into a void. You’ll still feel like your thoughts are swirling around, but without the stabilizing effect of mirrored understanding. You can feel invalidated. A core need in any supportive conversation is to feel heard. If your listener seems to miss basic points, you may second-guess yourself (“Maybe I really am unclear,” or worse, “Ma...