Therapy is supposed to be safe space to process thoughts and emotions.

 When a therapist repeatedly steers you toward “understanding” or centering an abusive partner’s feelings—while you’re already sacrificing your own—several concerns come up. Here’s how to think it through and what you can do:

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1. Why this stance can be risky

Potential Issue	What It Looks Like	Why It Hurts You
Safety & Power Imbalance Ignored	The therapist talks about his childhood wounds  or stress at work but says little about the violence, threats, or coercion you face.	Empathy becomes a tool that normalizes or excuses abuse, keeping you in danger.
Re-enactment of the Abuse Dynamic	You try to raise your own fears; the therapist redirects you to “see it from his side.”	You relive the pattern of placing his needs first, reinforcing self-blame and eroding self-trust.
Ethical Boundary Concerns	The therapist seems more invested in “saving the relationship” than in your safety or autonomy.	Professional codes require that client welfare—and in IPV cases, victim safety—come first.

A trauma-informed therapist would prioritize your physical and emotional safety, help you reclaim a sense of agency, and explore your own feelings before asking you to consider an abuser’s perspective.